Relationships always stir up different energies inside of us – the constrictive energies of our small fearful self and the more expansive energies of our soul.
The energy of our small self or personality is seeking comfort, familiarity, and a sense that someone else can meet our needs for wholeness. The energy of the soul invites us to be in partnership with others for the purposes of growing in unconditional love and wisdom.
Neal Donald Walsh put it this way,
“The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness”
An increasing number of people are awakening to their spiritual nature and the call of their souls. This evolution in consciousness is placing a strain on traditional relationship models that at one time served their purpose.
Awakening souls are coming face to face with the challenge and opportunity to either evolve their relationship or dissolve it.
Here are 7 signs your relationship is evolving to meet the needs of your soul.
1. You are able to share your feelings and that part of yourself that is hard to share.
You are willing to do it even though it feels uncomfortable and may cause some discomfort in you and/or your partner. Just like personal growth is often painful, so too is relationship growth.
John Powell, in the powerful little book, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am, wrote:
“If you and I can honestly tell each other who we are, that is, what we think, judge, feel, value, love, honour and esteem, hate fear, desire, hope for, believe in and are committed to, then and then only can each of us grow.”
2. You realize that to grow together you need enough space to grow as individuals.
In a healthy soul-supporting relationship, we need to grow as an individual and not lose ourselves in the other person’s interests and passions. You maintain the “I” while being aware of the “we.”
This goes for our relationships with our children, our parents, and our siblings. It is so common to hear people say that they are so busy focusing on other people and their needs and lives that they lose touch with themselves and don’t know who they are anymore.
I was at a wedding a number of years ago and I was struck when I heard the bride say, “I will always put us and our relationship before me.” As women, we’re taught to be self-sacrificing and when we lose our dreams, personal power, and very sense of self, we’re not going to thrive. It was not surprising to me that the marriage didn’t last and one of the big reasons was because of misbeliefs about what it means to be in a relationship with others and how we need space and our own sense of self to grow and evolve.
3. You understand that whether you’re happy or unhappy in your relationship is never about the other person.
It is always about you. When you are unhappy in a relationship it’s always about something that you need to heal within yourself.
The root of most challenges in relationships is a lack of self-love and self-respect. When you begin to love yourself fully you will know that you either need to change yourself within the relationship or that the relationship isn’t what you need to grow and evolve into the person you were meant to be.
4. You realize that not all relationships are meant to last forever.
Relationships are meant to last as long as both people are growing and healing themselves within the relationship.
Relationships have evolved from people coming together to meet their basic needs for survival, having children, and feeling secure to growing spiritually and raising your level of awareness and consciousness.
Gary Zukav, who wrote The Seat of the Soul, describes a spiritual partnership as a “partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth.
5. Your relationship isn’t about two half people coming together to create a whole.
It’s about 2 whole people creating opportunities and challenging each other to grow and evolve into the complete and whole individuals we were meant to be.
A book by Hal Edward Runkel, The Self-Centred Marriage: Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”, challenges many of our traditional beliefs about marriage. It stresses that being self-centered doesn’t mean we’re being self-absorbed. The book explained that:
“Every great marriage is a self-centred marriage, because a great marriage takes two-centred selves, working to develop themselves as individuals capable of living up to their vows and sharing of themselves for the other’s benefit, without needing the other partner to return the favour.”
6. You accept that creating a relationship that feels connected takes courage and commitment.
Some experts say that one person can change the whole relationship and while I agree with that theoretically, the change is turbo-charged when both people are on board.
I love what John Powell said about this, “I must be able to tell you who I am before I can know who I am.” He proposes that all personal growth and healing happen through our relationships with others.
7. You understand that “if it’s hysterical, it’s historical,”
This phrase from Melody Beattie’s book, The Language of Letting Go explains that experiences that cause you to react severely are linked to historical life experiences. As soon as you notice yourself “reacting” and your buttons being pushed it’s something from your past that has triggered you.
By understanding this in yourself and your partner you can take a step back and transform the experience by understanding where the reaction is coming from. It is through the pushing of our buttons that we heal. That is IF we come aware of it and have the tools to work through it together.
This poem written by Kahlil Gibran speaks to what I believe are the most important things to remember about our relationships:
“But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love;
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cups but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let
each one of you be alone,
even as the strings of a lute are alone though they
quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in
each other’s shadow.”
Allow yourself to just sit for a few moments as these words penetrate into your soul.
Developing soulful relationships is about the delicate balance of togetherness and separateness. When we find the right balance we truly begin to thrive as two separate individuals who enrich each other’s lives.
If you feel called, please comment below. Our community would love to hear from you!