Many of us are driven by inner restlessness and longing. A sense that something is missing in life although it is difficult to put our finger on what it is.
We have the belief (even though we may not be aware of it) that when we have a better relationship, a more fulfilling job, more money, the next vacation, a better body or a number of other things that we’ll feel satisfied. That our life will feel more complete.
And yet even when we get a new relationship, more money or whatever it is we still feel there must be more.
So what is it that we’re really looking for? What are we seeking?
At the heart of this seeking is the need to know who we are and why we are here. What is this journey we call life all about?
“There’s a part of every living thing that wants to become itself, the tadpole into the frog, the chrysalis into the butterfly, a damaged human being into a whole one. That is spirituality.” ~ Ellen Bass
This sense that something is missing is often an invitation to become more aware of our essence and who we are beyond the surface level of our life.
I personally experienced a feeling of what I came to call “soul hunger” in my own life which manifested as stress-related health issues, relationship troubles and a lack of meaning and purpose.
This soul hunger is an invitation to embark on an inner journey in order to understand ourselves better and shed the limiting beliefs that are holding us back from becoming our best and most authentic self.
It often happens at a time in our life when we’re acutely aware that we have a lot to be grateful for.
We notice an inner tug of war between the part of us that tells ourselves we should just be grateful and the part of ourselves that tells us there must be “more.”
And if feeling lost and confused isn’t enough we also feel lonely because we find that most people don’t understand what we’re experiencing. We get the message-
“You have so much and are so fortunate what could possibly be missing in your life?”
I get it because I have been there and experienced these same feelings that were confusing and unsettling. I experienced a dark night of the soul and was really suffering even though I had SO much to feel grateful for.
What are these feelings and inner knowing that something is missing in our lives trying to tell us?
I began to see a pattern in the people I mentor and it usually boils down to three things:
We may be disconnected from our true self.
In this scenario, we have been so busy focusing on other people or fulfilling the many roles in our lives that we lose touch with our innermost selves. We may have put a lot of time and energy into raising a family, and/or work and then something changes and we’re left asking- Who am I without these roles or this job? What am I meant to “do” now?
It’s not uncommon to lose sight of our own unique values, gifts, needs and what makes us feel most vital and alive.
Our authentic self can easily get buried beneath a whole lot of layers and beliefs. We’re busy being a “good” person and doing what we should do to be a productive human being and in the process, we can lose touch with who we actually are and who we’re meant to become.
We may be longing for deeper and more meaningful relationships.
As we begin to awaken we are less satisfied with living in the shallow end of life.
Our souls long for deep and fulfilling relationships where we can share our most intimate thoughts and feelings with those closest to us.
We want and need deeper connections with people and have a desire to share and discover our authentic selves with others in a safe and nourishing way.
Just as we are meant to grow and evolve, our relationships are also meant to grow and evolve. When this doesn’t happen it’s common to feel like our relationships lack depth.
While earlier in our lives we may be satisfied with relationships that enable us to share the tasks and manage the roles in our lives, there comes a point that our souls need something deeper.
What meets our needs in one chapter of our life doesn’t meet our needs in the next.
Shifting our way of being from a needs-based relationship into more soulful relationships, can be very challenging. But if the soul is needing a deeper connection and it’s not available to us, we are going to feel like something is missing.
Our soul may be longing for deeper meaning and purpose.
This gnawing sense that something is missing in life is a sign that we have a spiritual yearning that we may not be aware of.
It’s an invitation from our soul to bring our life into alignment with our core essence. In The Call of the Soul: 10 Signs Your Soul is Speaking to You, I explore this further.
The Universe, divine, intelligence, God, higher power or whatever you call “it” is setting off an alarm which may be saying: “You are a spiritual being having a human experience.” When we don’t know how to live as spiritual beings it is not surprising that it feels like something is missing.
Our society values material success, achievement, status, and identification with our roles. When we achieve these things and/or something changes we are confused about what does bring us deeper meaning and purpose.
We find ourselves asking what are often considered to be questions arising from our souls- Is this all there is? How am I meant to contribute to something larger than myself? Where am I meant to invest this energy that previously went into my traditional roles and responsibilities?
Spirituality stirs a sense of curiosity, mystery and way of being that acknowledges that there is a life force beyond our control at play in our lives.
The sense that something is missing in life is ultimately an invitation to embark on an inner journey to understand ourselves and get in the “flow” of something much larger than our ego selves.
It’s an opportunity to shift and pivot in our lives from doing what was expected of us in the first half of our lives to responding to what needs to emerge through us for the next part of our journey.
This shift is challenging for many of us and is often a reason that people feel stuck when seeking a more meaningful life.
Eckhart Tolle, one of the great spiritual teachers of our time, explains that when we’re disconnected from our essence we commonly feel like something is missing.
When we create space, turn inward and get curious about what is missing in our lives, we open the door to evolving into a more authentic, peaceful and loving version of ourselves.
Leave a comment below if you feel like something is missing in your life. Our community would love to hear from you!
(Published August 2017- Updated July 2020)
Hi Bev
I came across your article when i typed and searched in the google the words “i feel always missing something ”
After I read your article I found out that not only me but lot of people do feel that way.
I don’t know to get better from this situation what steps I will have to take.
Any way thanks for your article
Chris
Hi Chris! Thanks for your comment. You are definitely not alone as many people feel this way. In terms of the steps you can take, it’s not so much about getting better as it creating meaning around your experience so that you can move forward with greater alignment with who you are meant to become. Please send me an email at bev@bevjanisch.com if you need guidance. Take care, Bev
Hey
I need help regarding a similar issue. How to get your services?
Hi there! You can explore my services on my website and send me an email if you have questions. I always love to hear from people!
Hey Bev, I was sensing a drastic drop in my sense of self-fulfillment, I noticed myself have heart palpitation, constantly search for external validation, and just for the ‘something’ on the internet I came across this article after insufficient results for a search of ” What constitutes a wholesome person’.
I cannot begin to tell what a revelation this article was, I had goosebumps right from the beginning. Especially your diagnosis of why we feel something is missing, was so precise and consistent with this feeling
THANK YOU !
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I’m delighted to hear that this article resonated with you and helped you gain some clarity about why you may be feeling something is missing. You are definitely not alone!! Much love on your journey.
It feels like life is just passing me by. I don’t know what this means, any clarification?
Hi Grace! Great question about what it means when you feel like your life is passing you by. You’re wise to ask the question about what it might mean, as that is the first step in discerning what your next step might be. Please feel free to send me an email if you’d like some help exploring what that might mean for you and your life. You have the answers inside you- you just may need some guidance as to how to access them. Take good care!
Well not sure on what to say but I lost my wife dogs house cat cars boat this year in March builders didnt pay me and we had to liquidate and Corona was the nail in the coffin it all was blamed on me and I have nothing 43 starting again I dont know where what how to do anything need inspiration which I’ve sorta found reading this blog
Hi Corbyn! Thanks for sharing and I’m SO sorry that you’re experienced so many losses and are going through a very difficult time. I know a lot of people will resonate with your experience. I’m glad to hear that you found the blog to be inspiring. You are not alone and I have a sense that something new and meaningful will arise from your struggles. Love, Bev
I have been in the survival mode for quite a long time, that the basic things life have to offer to me comes as a result of struggle. This constant struggle has left me drained with void that i can’t explain. i am constantly looking for a way to improve my life and that of my dependents where opportunities are very limited and competitive. I feel there is more to my life than just waking up to 9 to 6 job and come back at night, to start the same routine till the weekend. i want something i can engage my body, soul and mind in and where i can take stock of happenings in my life.
Your article has been helpful, and i just find out while typing this that I lack true friendship even in my marriage, we only scratch the surface while I need soul alignment with my partner.
Thanks so much for your comment! You are definitely not alone in terms of feeling like you’ve been living in “survival” mode. The constant struggle does leave us feeling drained and it is for that reason I’m SO passionate about practices like meditation that help us recharge and become more resilient on the inside. You’ve had a powerful insight about lacking friendship in your marriage. That deeper sense of connection is so important for our health. It takes some work, but it is possible to find that deeper connection. I’m really thankful to hear that you found this post helpful. Love, Bev
I am 64 years old, retired 3 years ago thinking I had a lot to look forward to, but in that time I lost both of my parents and sister in law and then COVID-19 hit and now have no direction, feel empty and am down on life with that feeling that is this all there is, seems like the older I get, the more confused I get about what my purpose in this life is.
Hi Mark- I’m so very sorry to hear about the loss of both your parents and your sister in law. What a painful time for you! My heart goes out to you. Please be gentle with yourself during this time and create space for your grief. Many feel a lack of purpose after retiring and a sense of emptiness and confusion. You are not alone! It becomes a new season in our life to begin a new journey of exploration and curiosity. With patience and over time, new things reveal themselves to us. I often find it more helpful to let go of the focus on “purpose” and get curious about what feels “meaningful?” Much love to you, Bev
I’m seventeen years old, currently studying my alevels at college. I’ve been feeling everything you described in your article and I’m so appreciative there are others who understand and are here to help us on our spiritual journey. My “current” focus from this article is to stop searching for fulfilment in external things. I’m will not find the satisfaction inside I desire from passing top marks in my exams, or buying new clothes, or gaining approval from my peers, everything I have I need within. Although this is hard I have recognised it is simply a pattern, I buy my new clothes and still feel empty so I seek other external energy. Thank you, for helping me. I say “current” because I know when I have achieved this step in my journey I can reread this article and know I will have a different perspective and different takeaway. Best wishes !
Hi Tallula- I am SO grateful that you took away such a powerful message from this blog. I really appreciate that you left a comment that is really inspiring to myself and others. You are definitely not alone in your spiritual journey. For you to be seeing the “patterns” in yourself is truly empowering. Thank you for sharing!!!! Please reach out anytime when you feel you need some guidance and/or support for your spiritual journey – bev@bevjanisch.com. Much love to you! Bev
Hello I came across your article when I searched up that why I feel something is missing in my life. I am really grateful that I’m not alone and that a lot feel this way too. I don’t know if I feel this way because of covid and all since people did say that affects of teens start to feel this way. Although school has started, I am online and will continue online school. I have felt ever since this covid and all till now that I am missing something. I believe in God and I feel like he may be calling me to do something but don’t know what…
Before this whole Covid, I was certain, positive and again certain with my life. But now I feel like I have lost that spark in me. That hope i lost, that faith in me I lost. And I feel more confused and lost and I feel a bit sad idk. Please email me back. I would love if you tell me what I should do that I feel this way. And what it really means that my soul or God is inviting me to this journey as you said something like that in your article. Thank you so much and I really hope to recieve and email from you. Thank you so much have a great day :)
Hi Daniela- I’m so glad to hear that it provides you with some comfort and relief to know that you are not alone!!!! I wrote this blog before COVID and am now seeing how a global pandemic is challenging many of us in ways that are difficult to understand. COVID is highlighting how important our real connections are. There is global “suffering” going on right now and it is so understandable that you feel sad and a loss for what we previously enjoyed and I for one at times took for granted. Know that you are not alone! You asked what you can do because you feel this way- I wrote a blog about practicing “self-compassion” with ourselves and I think it would be very helpful for you, and all of us at this difficult time. Self-compassion is a way of being with ourselves when we’re having a hard time. Here is a link to the blog with a description of HOW to actually do it. I truly believe this one practice changes lives and you’ll have it for the rest of your life: https://www.bevjanisch.com/compassion/. All my love you!!! Bev
It’s somewhat suffocating to live for the past few years , constantly missing something that I don’t even know to begin with.
Always felt that its a stage that would fade away soon than I expect; its been a long time
,And still it hurts to wake up in the morning and go on with all the wonderful things I got.
At times,it feels like I’m not giving much importance to everything I got and that I’m ungrateful,maybe I am.
Pillars of my life giving me support and everything I’m supposed to have and I cry till no tears are willing to come out at night .
I’m lost and I’ve been told that I’m too young to feel this.
Hence, please give me some advice if you can or want to.
Love,AK
Hi AK- Thanks for sharing! I want to acknowledge how hard it is to feel that something is missing and not be able to put your finger on what it is. Most of us have not been taught to look inside ourselves for answers. I’ve heard from many young people who also feel this way so you’re definitely not alone! If you haven’t already, I’m hoping you have an emotional health professional that you can speak with that perhaps could provide support and tools as well as give you the help you need to get some clarity about what might be missing. We’re not meant to do this alone. I’m sending much love to you, Bev.
Hi Bev , i Am constantly feeling like something is missing in my life ,my head even , i feel like i have a purpose in life but dont know what is it hence the reason i google im desperately seeking a cure for my crave, life is far too short and im wasting it .
Hi Teresa- Thanks for sharing! Although we’re all different, I’ve found it helpful to view my “purpose” in the context of what is happening in the present moment and the stage of life I’m in. Our purpose shifts and evolves. There is a lot to be learned from your sense of “craving” and perhaps it is inviting you to get curious about it. Much love to you! Bev
Hi Bev,
I feel the same Ghere is something missing on my life, more so in the last 2 weeks. It’s been a long time since I did not feel like this maybe 2.5 years ago when I embarked in a self discovery soul searching spiritual awareness journey without even knowing. Have gone along way and have even found a meaningful connection that has helped me and supported to transform many areas of my life but somehow I feel no longer connected with that meaningful connection all of the sudden and since this happened I also feel disconnected from me and feel a deep sense is something missing in my life of lack of joy. Even the synchronicities and signs I used to see se to have become more rare. Any advice would be very welcome. Thank you
Hi Andreea- thanks for your comment and that’s great to hear you’ve come a long way and found a meaningful connection. You’ve highlighted what naturally happens on the path of personal and spiritual development. We make progress and then find we reach what can best be described as a plateau or even what feels like a step backwards. When we notice this it is helpful to revisit our spiritual practices like meditation and make necessary modifications. I’ve also found the Enneagram extremely helpful for discerning an individual’s next steps for personal growth and transformation. This might also be a time when a person works with a mentor/guide/coach who can provide further direction and support in terms of the next steps. Much love to you, Bev.
Hii Bev,
I don’t know I suddenly feel that something is missing .like I don’t know but something is missing. I take care of every one. I want every single person to be happy but I do what every person love. I do what my parents want, what my cousins want, what my family want . I don’t know who I’m, what I want. I still don’t know how to explain my feelings. I feel I’m lost.
Hi Iman- Thanks for your comment! You described really well the root cause of feeling like something is missing in our lives. It’s our own sense of “self” and the plan our soul has for us. When we do what other people want it may be “right” for their path but it is often not our path. We lose ourselves in an attempt to please and satisfy other people’s expectations and make others happy. Finding our own sense of self and who we are at our core becomes the challenge for many of us in life. It takes courage to follow our own path at the risk of disappointing others. You are not alone! Much love to you, Bev.