Is this depression Or Signs Of A Spiritual Awakening?
I was teaching a young woman how to meditate and wondered whether her depression was the beginning of a spiritual awakening.
When I asked her why she wanted to learn to meditate, she shared that she’d been experiencing mild anxiety and depression for some time. She wanted to feel more peaceful inside, and her counsellor recommended meditation.
What we uncovered as the session progressed surprised both of us.
This woman was experiencing the inner conflict and turmoil that often accompanies the spiritual awakening process, a transition referred to as a “dark night of the soul.”
As her story unfolded, she told me she had no idea who she was and felt disconnected. She felt an inner tug of war between following her path and meeting the expectations of others and the societal norms that have given her the message that her happiness would be hinged on material success, getting married, and having children.
She put it this way, “My biggest frustration is feeling like I am not connected within – that I am two separate people, what I think, what I feel. I truly believe I am not in touch with myself and believe it is the reason for countless poor choices in friendships and relationships.”
Use disconnection as a doorway to awakening.
My client was beginning to feel the pull of her soul and the deeper truths of her true self.
She was experiencing the signs arising from her soul that she wasn’t living in the right relationship with herself. She needed to pause, align with herself, and create the courage to make much-needed changes.
She was confused about the cause of her inner turmoil and wasn’t aware that we have a dual nature. The ancient wisdom teachings point to the idea that there’s a difference between our conditioned self and our true self that our soul energizes.
Her personality, combined with conditioning with messages about what it means to be a “good” woman, had become a prison for her. Her focus on others at the expense of herself and the suppression of her true feelings had diminished her life force energy. She felt depressed and anxious.
After reflection, this young woman had an epiphany- perhaps she wasn’t depressed. Maybe her soul was sending her a message that she wasn’t being true to herself and needed to find the courage to look inward to connect with herself and make some outer changes. She was going through this “dark night of the soul” to become more fully her true self ultimately.
Some believe the soul withdraws energy from things not meant for us. From a spiritual perspective, this is part of the awakening process. And from a traditional psychological perspective, this may be diagnosed as depression – a form of mental illness rather than a spiritual impulse and something new that needs to emerge.
Dr. Lisa Miller, the founder of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute, explains, “This form of depression is very often a knock at the door as part of a spiritual quest.” In her book, The Awakened Brain: The New Science of Spirituality and our Quest for an Inspired Life, Dr. Miller explains that there appear to be many different types of “so-called depression” and that developmental depression is a “call from the soul.” It’s a “spiritual invitation to live more fully, love more deeply, and open into dialogue with the sacred universe. Sensed through our inner wisdom, this kind of depression – whether at a ripe life stage such as adolescence or midlife or in response to struggle or trauma – beckons us into a lifetime of awakening” (p. 174).
Dr. Miller explains that amongst middle-aged American women aged forty to fifty-nine, 23 percent take antidepressants. That’s almost one in four women. Why is that number so high? She shares that antidepressants are “used as a palliative for life, and while they improve the symptoms of low mood, they don’t treat the root cause of the distress” (p. 127).
The difference between awakening and depression.
A mental health professional I interviewed about her journey through the dark night of the soul shared the difference between awakening and depression: “I had a history of depression and knew what it felt like. With this new experience, I could still get up in the morning, but it was a feeling of limbo and stuck. I could get out of bed and function, but there was no sense of purpose, no energy behind it. It wasn’t negative energy like depression that sucks you down into a hole.”
Many folks I interviewed for The Dark Night Of The Soul Truths: Wayshowers Share Their Wisdom questioned whether they were depressed. However, it was difficult for them to explain why they knew it was part of a process. Something new needed to emerge, and they were in what one woman called the liminal space. It didn’t feel pointless.
In the book, The Dark Night Of The Soul, psychiatrist Gerald G. May, M.D. puts it this way, “There is often a sense that down deep, people really wouldn’t trade their experience of the dark night for more pleasure – it’s as if at some level they sense the rightness of it.”
Are you listening to your soul?
The truth, however, is that most people who receive this invitation have no idea it’s an invitation from their soul.
When we ignore, deny or turn our back on the invitation because we don’t see it for what it is, we often experience symptoms such as emotional issues, physical health problems, relationship challenges, and jobs that don’t feel aligned.
More and more people are being called to make this shift. Awakening is a normal part of the evolution of our consciousness.
Unfortunately, most people do not understand what’s happening. This spiritual awakening process and the accompanying “dark night of the soul” are often misunderstood. People experiencing awakening react as if there’s something wrong when it’s natural and beautiful, albeit often difficult, the process of growth and change.
As we continued exploring what this awakening felt like for this woman, she experienced relief.
She was curious about spirituality and was drawn to learn more about a creative life force that she intuitively knew played a significant role in her life. She explained that she found herself asking the big questions in life: Who am I? What is the purpose of my life? Why am I here? Why do I feel this way when I have so much to be grateful for?
These signs revealed that this woman was being called to awaken and begin the self-discovery journey.
What is awakening?
Awakening is a process whereby we become consciously aware of our dual nature and begin to witness ourselves in the context of our lives. In other words, we’re watching the movie rather than being part of the movie. This gives us perspective and the ability to discern where our thoughts, feelings, gut instincts, and stories are arising from. Are they from our conditioned selves or messages from our souls?
Part of the awakening process involves shifting our worldviews and beginning to see things differently and more clearly. For this woman, it was seeing how focusing too much on others’ needs at her own expense wasn’t healthy for her. She had lost touch with her true self!
Awakening is challenging because it requires us to shed the conditioned beliefs and habits that no longer allow us to step into our true selves fully.
It’s a process of unbecoming and becoming all at the same time. We’re letting go of who we are not, and ways of being that aren’t serving us any longer to create space for our true selves to emerge.
As our true self emerges slowly, we develop the right relationship with our personality and soul. We begin to feel more peaceful, energized, courageous, compassionate, and grounded with a lightness of being that arises when we live in alignment with our souls.
In the following video, I speak with podcast host Yasmin Elzomor about how the summons from her soul that began in her 20s marked the beginning of a spiritual awakening.
If you feel called, please leave a comment below. Our community would love to hear from you!
(Original post, July 19, 2018; Updated June 30, 2021).
Thank you for this post. It describes my recent experiences very well. I would like to ask, though, whether it is “normal” to stop liking music and films, which is something I’m experiencing now and find very strange.
Have a nice day!
I’ve found it very common that our interests and what feels meaningful change when we awaken to a deeper sense of ourselves and others. Thanks for shining a light on this! Love, Bev.
wow is all i can muster up to say after reading this. These insightful words have shed light on truthfully what I already knew, but didn’t want to know. Make sense? The last 6 months have been quite the ride for me and my son, and I’ve reached a point to where i know something is about to mature in us, i just don’t know what, or what to expect, and frankly I’m at the end of my rope, either do or don’t type thing, and have entered into a stage of deep depression. Not the depression where everything is bleak and there’s no hope, it’s as if what i said earlier, either do or don’t, so I’ll sit here and wait till one or the other takes place, and let life be life, not experiencing joy, but not experiencing sadness either, just ehhh. after reading some posts here, I’ve found a renewed vigor to keep on keeping on, and try and focus more on what’s coming, instead of what has been or what is. Thank you for posting this, and letting me share. i pray more can read this to hopefully bring light to their situation as well
I’m so glad you shared with us here, and that you found renewed vigour after reading the posts. You summarized it beautifully when you said you intend to focus on what’s calling you forward. I find it helpful to remind myself of that same thing and often meditate daily to ask the Universe to give me signs of what that might be. Thank you! Love, Bev.
Ohhhhh!!!! This has just explained word for word what I have been feeling lately!! Recently done a session of breath work, which left me feeling depressed and apathetic about life and the universe – like what are we even doing here? Raised up questions around what is the actual point of this… I thought I was depressed! This has reframed it as an awakening, and instead of fighting it and punishing myself with binge eating, I need to welcome it in and be kinder to myself!! Thank you :)
That is so beautiful and heartwarming to hear that you’re awakening to the deeper parts of yourself and being invited into a kinder relationship with yourself. I’m so grateful that this post shifted your perspective about what is happening. This awakening journey will ultimately lead to inner alignment, peace and a more authentic life. Thank you for sharing! Love, Bev.
This article totally explains what I am going through. I have no friends but still don’t feel lonely as I am happy within my own self. But this isolation led to problems like social anxiety or awkwardness because of which finding a job and having the confidence to do it is a huge struggle for me. I am being asked to get married but I feel I am not ready yet. I can’t invest my emotions in a relationship where i feel I can’t belong at this point. I always from my childhood had envisioned a life where I am living a peaceful life on a mountain top in a small cottage and feeling the freedom and fresh air where there is no judgement of people or no competition going on to succeed monetarily. I wish I just get the courage and live a life like that. It’s getting very hard in here I wish I could talk to someone who would understand and make me understand what’s going on within me. I wish I could connect with someone who would not judge me when I explain all this and would not think I am a freak or retard. Please help me what should I do.
Thank you for sharing with us here! Courage arises from a place of self-love and self-compassion, and when in doubt about what we should do next, I believe that’s always a nourishing place to start. There is wisdom and a message for you in your social anxiety and awkwardness. Bring mindfulness to those parts of yourself, and your next step will reveal itself to you! Love, Bev
hi, this article is so odd and so on topic as well for me. what you explain here sums up my life: i feel i am a stranger on this planet. since a very young age, before school, i always felt the need to be a protector and had dreams of such. i always felt i was here for an important protection job, but to this day, i have no clue what that is. been feeling lost since 4-5 years old, never been happy yet i beat depression and anxiety and beat a medical condition that many told me it could have easily taken my life due to pain. still here though. but just lost and feel like i am holding back and fear to jump and try things. i just feel like i don’t belong but here for a huge responsibility. my son one day told me the same: dad, i am here to protect, i am here for that. it struck me hard. but i fear that my life will end withoug ever finding what i was put here for when i feel deep down there is a purpose. same thing as the presence of God; i feel there is something, but maybe not in how us human describes what God is. i am so lost. just do not know what should i do next.
Thanks for sharing with us here! I agree that we are here for a purpose. I’ve learned that following our curiosity in trying and exploring new things leads to a life of meaning. I heard you say that you’re holding back and fearful of trying new things. Many of us can relate to that! Moving forward, even when we’re afraid, is required to live with deeper peace, happiness and fulfillment. Everyone reading this will send you energy and cheer you as you jump in and try new things! When you do, you’ll feel less lost and create momentum. Love, Bev
I’ve read so many of people’s experiences during their spiritual awakening and they are all the same. It helped me understand what I was feeling and I know first hand how crazy everyone made me feel. Friendships were crashing, I left my job, I cut of my abusive parents. The dark night of the soul was miserable yet mamagable. It reached its peak recently after I started having flashbacks, nightmares and resurfaced memories. Along with childhood trauma, I was facing the guilt and shame I had for the mistakes I’ve made in life. My thoughts were bumping into each other, I couldnt sleep, and I was unable to function properly. Even those I loved, shamed me, gave me bad advice and beat me in the head with the Bible. They like all of us, were conditioned to stuff pain away, that is was bad. Everyone around me wanted me better because they relied on me to make them feel better. They took my requests personal, they didn’t respect my wishes and made me feel selfish. That made the pain even worse!! I surrendered and I chose to endure all of it without any bandaid. Trusting that this is a necessary part of my growth and that it was for my higher good was the only thing that prevented me from returning to people and behaviors that caused this pain to occur in the first place! My suppression of childhood trauma was the reason I had experienced so much turmoil in my life. It was worth it as it paid off tremendously. The lessons helped me see error and how to repair and be the person I was meant to be.
I’m so grateful that surrender and trust found you and created the space for you to grow, evolve and become the person you were meant to be! Thank you for sharing that with us here. Love, Bev.
Why am I feeling like I am connected to someone in this world but I don’t know who it is? (I don’t even know if I had met that person)
Although we appear separate, we are all connected in a field of consciousness. Perhaps this is a message from your wiser self reminding you of this! Thank you for reminding us! Love, Bev.
I really enjoyed this article. I recently went away on a trip (mostly sunny/warm weather) where I kind of rekindled my curiosity and childlike wonder and when I got back (to the UK) a just went into a really low phase/depression (not really wanting to interact with people and feeling sick and tired of where I am and my environment). I’ve been going through this spiritual process for a while and I thought I was having a big breakthrough (I do creative work by the way; and currently I feel unmotivated to do anything) and then this feeling hit me like a ton of bricks. The annoying part was also when I met with a person I thought I would collaborate with and simply because I was a bit down (and expressed it honestly), I could just sense this person disconnecting. We had a discussion actually about ‘awakening’ and this person said they mostly feel happy and that they thought awakening is a happy thing and they were surprised when I said that awakening is not always a happy joyful process and I could feel some sort of judgement from them. I sense that a lot sometimes with people that claim to be spiritual and then as soon as they encounter some sort of negativity or what they deem as not ‘happy’ or ‘positive’ then they think that is somehow not part of the process and is to be avoided. Anyway, long story short, just as I thought I was finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, this tornado of past negative feelings just came up as I returned back and I was feeling very low and lost (not wanting to speak to friends or family), although I feel that is part of the next breakthrough. I’ve been having lots of dreams too and big waves of ups and downs. I just want to get my spark of inspiration and creativity back and maybe change of location is needed (despite what everyone else is telling me; that it’s all to do with me and only how I feel inside).
I’m grateful you left a comment highlighting some essential ideas about “awakening.” I resonated with what you identified as a journey with many ups and downs. Awakening involves shifting our relationship between our conditioned self and our true self. As we do that, we’re going deeper in our understanding of ourselves and our blindspots, and it’s bound to bring up all sorts of things to the surface. Much of which is uncomfortable.
I, too, have noticed a lot of what John Welwood called “spiritual bypassing” going on in spiritual communities. A mature spiritual path is much like you described! So thank you for sharing that.
In terms of getting your spark of creativity back, it is curious that you’re sensing a change of location is needed. I just discussed with someone about this the other day. It’s really about discerning, as best as we can, whether the impulse arises from a fearful conditioned self or is it a calling from the soul.
Following a path true to your soul is challenging, especially when those around us don’t understand. I deeply respect your path and sense you’re on one that is meaningful and true! Much love, Bev.
Loved your interview with Yasmin! I have also been going through this awakening the last three years and it has not been easy. Lots of emotions but glad to have this journey it’s only going to get better!
I’m so glad the interview with Yasmin resonated with you! I, too, know how challenging it can be and am grateful when others share so people don’t feel alone in the journey. Much love, Bev!
Hi Bev, thank you very much for writing this article it has helped many people and it will continue to help many more. May God bless you and everyone else who finds this article.
Thank you so very much for your kind comment. It is deeply meaningful for me to shed light on the journey of awakening. I can feel your blessing! Much love, Bev.
I’ve never left a comment on any article before but I felt compelled to leave one on yours. I have been through this “spiritual awakening” several times it seems, only to be confused and led down a darker path to depression. I’ve had depression, social anxiety and PTSD since I was a little girl (but officially diagnosed for 11 years now, I’m 28).
It only got worse for the past 2 years, with symptoms of agoraphobia where I am too scared to leave my house, even if I’m in the safest and most peaceful external environment I’ve ever been. I am constantly in deep thought, constantly having an out of body experience and I never feel like I belong in this world. I left many different careers because it never felt right, and haven’t worked in over a year. My psychiatrist said I am one of his toughest patients and he doesn’t know how to help me, stating I could have Treatment Resistant Depression (I have tried over 15 medications). I was losing touch with my spirituality, and felt if I wasn’t meant for this world and constantly feel mentally tortured by my own limiting beliefs, I might as well die and could no longer handle another day living hour by hour. I composed a suicidal plan.
Last week, I caught up with my aunt whom I always had a deep spiritual connection with. I haven’t seen her for a year due to self-isolation. I told her what I was going through, and she told me she believed my depression is just me going through a spiritual awakening, that my soul is trying to speak out to me. She said I have a higher gift, and that there is nothing wrong with me. She took me to take an aura photograph, and we spent the day exploring spiritual energy/healing shops on a main street in Laguna Beach (I haven’t been able to go to a store in several months). For a week now, I’ve been feeling a sense of hope that I’ve lost many many years ago. I just feel…. lighter. However, some negative feelings found its way back so I searched online and came across your article. I need ask my inner self questions and get back in touch with my authentic soul.
Thank you so much for writing this and helping guide many of us lost in confusion… I will refer back to your words for reassurance ♥️
I’m grateful you decided to comment and share it with us here. I’m sure your journey will inspire others and provide some hope for people feeling lost and confused.
That aunt of yours is an angel in human form – helping you to find hope amid your suffering. I sense that she’s spot on and that you have gifts that our world needs!
You mentioned negative feelings creeping back in, and I want you to know that negative feelings, while uncomfortable, are part of the journey. I have negative feelings arising all the time, but I’m learning to be with them with kindness and normalize them.
One of my favourite programs to help with this is the free 40-day Mindfulness Daily program. If you’d like, you can register here:https://courses.tarabrach.com/courses/mindfulness-daily
I am sending love and encouragement from afar! Bev
I’m not even sure how I found this article. I feel that I’ve been looking for inner peace and I know my soul is trying to tell me something. I have some personal questions that I’d like to ask you if you have some time we can discuss via email. I am 28 years old. And just very self aware of my inside. I know God let me to this page for a reason
I’m glad you found your way to this article! I agree that there are no coincidences, and you were led to the message for a reason. Love, Bev
Hey Bev, I loved your article and can relate to it in so many ways. It’s both scary and fascinating. I feel like I’m living an awakening And I need your help! I have so many questions to be answered and I would love to have your insight on things. Most people will think I’m crazy but after reading your article, I finally believe in this process. It’s hard to find someone who you can talk to about it so hopefully, you can help with it. Please if you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I’m so glad to hear that this article provided much-needed perspective for you. I’d be happy to chat with you to determine how best I can help. I’ll follow up with the email you shared. Love, Bev
I agree with this. Very insightful article. Thankyou
I’m SO glad you found the article insightful! Love, Bev
you took time to answer every single comment. honestly its pretty rare to see something like this.
and then you speak with such clarity !!! i read the article and all the comments and found alot of answers for the situation i`m currently in. i`m way passed the depression stage i have a 3years old kid and he`s part of the reason if not the whole reason for getting out of that place. i felt resposnability towards him which enabled me to say ‘be it as it is, whatever, i need to get my &*#% together’. i`m more in the discovery mode now but i always felt confused as to what i`m supposed to do exactly. now i feel like i found somewhat half of the answers i was looking for. i`m sure more questions will arise but this feels like a breath of fresh air :D
keep up the good work Bev !!
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment! I’m so happy to hear that you found a lot of answers through the writings. It’s so inspiring to hear that you took responsibility for your life. I was just reflecting on that this morning – a big shift happens for many people when they harness their personal power for their lives and begin to make some changes even if the outer circumstances of their lives feel challenging. It’s exciting to be in the discovery mode much like an explorer that needs to develop new skills and doesn’t know exactly what they will find. Thank you for inspiring others! Much love, Bev
Hi Bev this is amazing as a 16 year old girl this means a lot that someone actually understand and I can see I’m not alone and I shared this with my mom and I think she will like this and she can learn more ❤️
Thank you so much for leaving a comment here as it gives me great joy to let others know that they too are not alone! I’m really grateful that you’re able to share this with your mom. Much love and thank you for being such a bright light! Bev
This is how I am feeling in this season. My youngest of 3 is 2 yrs old now and I decided I can have me back and do me. As I attempted to do that I thought I was sure about what my purpose was and pursued life coaching and real estate investing and recently Ive felt like a failure bc I don’t persist and im feeling guilty… am I sacrificing raising my children by building a business. I asked if it should be this hard or am I even passionate about these ideas or is this someone else’s idea? I’ve read so many books, authors that have opened my eyes from James Allen, Neville Goddard, Marianne Williamson, Thomas Troward, Louise Hayes, Michael Singer, Eckhart Tolle and I’m wondering how long will it be before I experience my spiritual awakening. Then I decided to Google “spiritual awakening how can you be unhappy but at peace” and your article popped up. It was interesting bc I had just asked myself was I depressed today and I’m not typically a depressed person. This article explained it. Only when I previously read about the dark night of the soul I perceived it to be a very dark experience.
Thanks SO much for sharing with us here. I can really relate to your feelings of guilt and questioning whether you’re sacrificing your children by building a business. Now that my children are grown, I can see how following my inner call to be of service to something beyond myself and my family, was what I needed to feel fulfilled and happy. When your soul awakens you feel the inner call to be of service and that can be very confusing as you attempt to balance your roles with the feeling you need something “more.” That’s amazing that you’ve done so much reading. I hear from SO many folks that the reading is helpful but they need help integrating it into their lives. In terms of how long before you experience spiritual awakening- I view it as a process rather than an outcome. It sounds like your awakening has begun and that’s why you’re asking these questions. You’re on the path and you’re not alone! Love, Bev.
Woooohhh…. This is exactly how iam feeling. I have mild depression which last for max of 1 day after that iam normal. I feel like there is no flow in my life, no purpose… Like exactly your client
Wow!! As I sit here and read this at 6am I’m just speechless. A year ago I left a career I thought I enjoyed, and took a lesser paying job only to leave that a few months later. I now just started another job and my husband has been asking me “what’s wrong” over the past week. Honestly as of yesterday I’ve really been feeling this strong sense of sadness, which led me to finding your article. I feel like I’m lost and have nobody to relate to. I found God again coming up on two years ago this March. I feel like I no longer relate to many of the people I once called my friends.
I feel like I’ve hit the crossroads of finding my happiness and why I’m here in this world. Seeing what our world has been going through since 2020 has opened my eyes to a lot spiritually. Now I’m just trying to figure out why this overwhelming feeling of sadness has been in my heart lately. Reading this article and the comments left by others has really been comforting. Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful reflection and inspiring journey with us. I’m so glad you’ve found the article and comments shared by others helpful. Much love, Bev
Hey thanks for this article, it actually did help me a lot. But I have one worry, lately I have been feeling that I attract negative vibes more than positive, like in professional life even if I did nothing wrong I get called out, people judge me a lot even though I am calm and composed and EVERYTHING else too seems to be falling apart.
I just wanted to know if this is natural (as in a part of my spiritual journey) or just a hard phase of life that any individual may go though.
I’m glad to hear the article helped you!
What a great question you’ve asked about whether what you’re experiencing is part of your spritual journey. It takes a lot of courage to be open to look at it and ask the question. Yes, I believe that everything is part of our spiritual journey. Which really means that all experiences create an opportunity for us to “wake up.” The first step (which never ends) in the process is learning about ourselves and this is often triggered by a sense that things are falling apart. When things don’t seem to be working in our lives, we really need to pause and look a bit deeper to begin the journey of self-discovery.
I’ve found that the Enneagram is a map that really helps with this. If you’re curious you may want to check it out. Much love, Bev.
Thank you for writing this insightful article. It provided me with a detailed different perspective. Recently, I’ve come to a crossroads in my life after resigning from my job. I had severe burn out and needed a mental break. I feel unsure and stuck with my purpose in life. Things don’t feel right and I feel off path with feelings of sadness. I’ve been spending my time reading a lot of spiritual books and wanting to be around nature. I’ve also been experiencing strange but positive signs around me. I wonder if this is a spiritual awakening? Thank you again and much love.
I’m so glad you found the article helpful and that it provided a different perspective for you. Yes, it seems from what you’ve shared you’re beginning the process of “awakening” which is often accompanied by sadness and a sense that things don’t feel right. It also sounds like you’re getting more in tune with your deeper self and developing new capacities as you read spiritual books, spend more time in nature and increase your awareness about “signs” around you. So beautiful! You talked about a “crossroad” and that’s often a challenging time when we don’t know which way to go. Give yourself the time and space you need to recover from your burn out and continue to ask for signs. Although you feel “stuck” it sounds like a lot is going on that is in service of your higher self. Much love to you as well, Bev.
Beautifully and clearly written. ❤️
Thank you, Amy!
Lovely post and video and much needed to empower others on their sacred journey of soul. Therein; big thank you for being you and doing this work. It’s not easy but it is necessary.
Be love always ❤️
Thanks so much for your kind note. Love, Bev.
My daughter is going tru a spiritual awaking. I am so confused about this happening. She says God is talking to her (she had lost faith in God) she says she gets downloads and sometimes it is to much. She wants to help people. She says she is a empath.
Long story short. No one understands her and what she is going tru. She is lonely for she has no one to share this with like minded. She is 36 and has never been married. Longest adult relationship she was in was 4 years (somewhat toxic). Family has turned their back on her.
She quit her job and lives with us and it is a strain on my relationship with my husband (her stepfather and he is not a religious person) I am however.
She gets serious anxiety and cries. It breaks my heart that I can’t help her. She talks to a therapist which was a practicing Buddhist or something. She has gone tru some serious stuff I have witnessed. Shoot this story is a long one sorry.
So the relationship she was in, they have always kept In contact as well as me. Around July 4 2021 she had been having impending doom feelings that someone was gonna die (I had also to the point of off on on anxiety). I wrote down on paper the 5th of July that my was step dad was going to die soon or by end of year.
Any ways back to toxic boyfriend he died on the 5th of July. Very difficult on her and I because and myself. We both him even though he and her where not suited to be together.
So still my anxiety was high. Our friends dad died out of the blue, his mom was terminally ill she died 7 days after his dad (July also). Then my mother in laws best friend passed (mind you she passed on the same day my friends mom passed.
So back to my step dad I had been holding a grudge and been having overwhelming need to forgive him (he was in nursing home) my other daughter (twin to my spiritual daughter) left what she was doing went to nursing home for me so I could see him and forgive him (he looked really good so I thought he will not die soon to make myself feel better) about 4 days later he got real sick and died. Can you please offer some type of advice?
Mother in pain.
Thanks for your comment! It’s very understandable that you’re confused about what is happening and are concerned for your daughter. When people are experiencing an awakening there are times when it can become a spiritual crisis/emergency and difficult to distinguish from more of a psychological process. I’m glad to hear your daughter has the support of a therapist as there are a lot of factors to consider including the recent grief from experiencing so many losses. I’m sorry to hear of all of your losses!! Perhaps explore some resources for spiritual crisis and additional support for grief/loss. Much love to you and your daughter, Bev.
Wow! I really needed to read this!!!
I thought i was going crazy or depressed!
But everything you are saying here Im going thru it exactly!
I’m so glad you read this when you most needed to hear the message! I love when that happens. I’m even more grateful to hear that you’ve realized that what you’re experiencing is a process that’s in service of connecting with your deeper more authentic self. Thank you for sharing with us here! Love, Bev
I’ve struggled with depression for many years and have ‘dabbled’ with meditation and mindfulness. I’m currently going through a particularly dark period which I put down to various life changes going on around me but am now wondering if it’s actually an awakening….
I’m glad you found the article helpful! It’s really powerful that you’re getting curious about what the experience of “depression” is pointing to. The challenging and dark times in our lives are always an opportunity for awakening to our deeper sense of self and resilience. I’m sending you much love for your journey, Bev.
This post and the video deeply moved me to tears. Thank you so much for putting this out for me to find. I have suffered with depression for years, though much less now. I see it’s the door through which there is a unique opportunity to be more peaceful than you can ever imagine. The noise and distractions are taken away – that’s what depression does, it takes them away until there’s nothing left but emptiness. And in that emptiness is pure silence, pure being, pure presence of self undisturbed by anything.
Thank you for sharing that this reflection touched you deeply. You expressed so beautifully how your experience of depression opened up space for you to connect with your essence of being and presence. That’s such a hopeful and inspiring message. Thank you and much love to you, Bev
Do you have books to read
Although I don’t have any specific recommendations on this topic, a book that comes to mind is “The Road Less Travelled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth” by M. Scott Peck, M.D. I invite anyone else reading this to offer a recommendation! Thanks!
wow thank you so incredibly much. you don’t know how perfect this timing was. i googled “feel like something is wrong w me on spiritual journey” and this page came up. i have been struggling with depressive waves (history of depression) and confused as to why bc i’m on a spiritual journey to grow and to learn to love. but sometimes times we have to travel through the dark and trip over our feet a couple times to slow down and feel the messages the universe/higher self has for us :) thank you again
Thanks so much for sharing with us here! I’m so glad to hear that you read this post just at the right time. I love when that happens! Thank you for reminding us that it’s often necessary to travel through the dark in order to slow down and navigate our lives in new ways. So inspiring! Love, Bev
hi bev, i really really love your article. i’m only 19 and i guess some people would say everyone goes through the same thing i’m going through at my age, just the feeling of not knowing what kinda career you want etc. but for me it’s way more than that. i never knew who i was and who i wanted to be in the future, i just did the things i was told to do in that moment and went to school like everyone else and later i realized that i don’t really fit in with most of the people in my life, my family was and still is urging me to get jobs i dont want, they want me to do things i don’t want even if it means i’ll be unhappy but hey atleast i’ll have money right? for the past 4 years i’ve been in this depression which never really felt like real depression to me, i would just get up in the morning and have no purpose in life which has been really exhausting, cause i’m so desperate to do something, i just never had the chance to find out what that is so i’m stuck. everyone around me had similar interests and i just went the same path as them even if it didn’t feel right, i just didn’t want to tell them that i wanted completely different things cause i didn’t know which way to go to get where i want, especially while being so young and still figuring everything out. so it was just easier to do the things everyone else does and everyone expects me to do, which has kept me from really getting to know my true self. i guess the hardest part about being on this spiritual journey while so young is that you’re so easily influenced by others, it really keeps you from being authentic and doing what you feel like doing without even realizing it
Thank you so much for letting me know you loved my article and for sharing with us here! You say you’re only 19 but I have to say you’re reflecting on really meaningful things! Picking your career is SO hard especially when you don’t know what it is you are meant to do and you have different messages about what others feel you should do.
You’re not alone in being influenced by others and I think it’s a challenge for many of us regardless of our age. I also know how hard it is when you don’t feel you fit in.
You mentioned that you feel stuck. Is there one tiny step that you could take to move forward without knowing where it will lead? I’ve tried SO many different things over the past few years until I landed on what felt most “right” for me. At least in the moment anyway, because we’re always growing and evolving. I’ve learned that it’s okay to not have it all figured out and that the important thing is the take a baby step.
I hope everyone who reads your courageous post sends you energy to help you get some wind under your sails. I can sense you’re a bright light! Love, Bev.
Beautiful article. Speaks my heart when I don’t have words. Thank you!
I’m sending lots of love to Anna (19 year old). Just so proud of them for seeing through their thoughts and expressing nicely at this age. May God Bless all of us! May we all listen to him through our souls!
Thank you for sending lots of love to Anna. I’m so glad the article spoke to your heart! Love, Bev.
Hi Bev , I really liked reading your posts, thank you for your clear insights, I have been on a journey to find out who am I for the last two years and have learnt , grown and been more centered than before , many challenges came up which I understand was a call to shed limiting beliefs, all in all it has been a rollercoaster ride so far. Intellectually I totally understand that I am not my mind or body but I am a soul having a mind/body experience, what I dont understand is even though my brain seems to have this knowledge I still dont seem to be able to live it fully, i cannot understand what is the way I can fully let go , what does that really mean , if I am not the doer and just the instrument then am I responsible for any actions ? Does fully let go involve not having any desires but just going along with whatever is happening, craving something is wrong, but if I dont have desires what’s the point of being here in this world, if i choose not to have free will isnt that choosing an act of free will too ?
Hi Sam, Thanks so much for your insightful and thought-provoking comments and questions. I want to say that I was inspired by your journey and the work that you have been doing for the past couple of years to learn, grow and shed some limiting beliefs. That takes a lot of courage!
I and others I’m sure can relate to the “rollercoaster” ride that it feels like. You are definitely not alone with that feeling.
In terms of your questions- thank you for posting them! You make some really valuable observations.
In terms of knowing something intellectually and actually doing something different in order to fully live into a new way of being requires more than awareness alone. It’s why change is difficult even when we know we want to change.
When I’m coaching a client who wants to not only think differently but be different, we co-create a new vision which includes new beliefs, ways of doing things and ways of checking back in to see through new eyes. We then also need to build new “muscles” which are small practices that help us shift into this new way of being. In this way we take what worked for us in the past, let go of what is holding us back and evolve into a new way of being. Make sense?
In terms of your questions… Fully letting go isn’t about not having desires. Deep desires often arise from our souls and we are meant to bring those things to life. Our challenge is to determine whether these desires are arising from our ego which leads to striving, never being good enough, immediate gratification OR whether it is a desire that is arising from an intelligent Universe that wants expression through us. We become the “channel.”
Discerning which desires require action and which require observation becomes part of our spiritual practice.
I hope that helps! Please do reach out if you’d like to explore whether I can support you in building these new muscles and stepping more fully into who you’re longing to become. Thank you again!! Bev
is it possible that someone on similar spiritual path is getting negative comments, reactions from people?
i have noticed that i am being calm, meditative and fine.. but poeple pass comments on me and call me depressed…
they feel someting is wrong wth me.. merely in my presence… i am simply there sitting.. and still i attract negative ppl and reactions…. today only this happened again.. i was simply there on dentist’s chair.. i didnt utter a word.. and that dentist second time called me depressed and judged me…. although i was simply calm and meditative … in my own trance.. .i felt betrayed deep inside.. bcoz positivoty also attracting negativity..? i want to know.. what would u say about it…? any idea why i always and usually attract negative comments.. even when i am not doing anything to call for it?
Thank you for your comment and for sharing your experience. The negative comments and reactions from other people are more a reflection of where they are at and not your state of consciousness. The learning for you is in becoming aware of your reaction to their feedback. Does it trigger something in you? Notice how that feels in your body? What thoughts go along with this? Get curious…
Good evening Bev,
I came across your article after realizing this is what I am going through. Right around Thanksgiving I woke up with a dreaded feeling of dwelling on my past sins in my childhood, my life & my marriage. I felt so overwhelmed with shame & guilt that my depression/anxiety was going through the roof. I had trouble eating/ sleeping & crying non stop that I lost 10lbs. After a month of trying to figure out why I was breaking down so much, Something kept telling me that I needed to speak to God to ask for forgiveness for all my sins, forgive those who had done wrong to me & to just forgive. So the beginning of the week I dropped to my knees, prayed to God & repented everything I could to God asking for his forgiveness & telling him I understand that I was in the dark light for so long & now I see his light. I cried so much while praying to him. The following morning I woke up with a sense of calmness, I didn’t feel overwhelmed like I was & I could breathe normal again. I started to read the Bible again this week as well, starting with Genesis. Yesterday I happened to close my eyes, what I could see looked like an Angel with beautiful wings & a gold light shining bright. It was the most amazing thing I saw & in that moment I couldn’t explain it but I could feel it. Today I seen a therapist, something I should have done years ago. When I was looking online for a therapist for some reason she stood out to me like that was who I needed to see. As soon as we started to talk I told her what has happened this past month & a half. She told me she had goosebumps & what I experienced was a Spiritual Awakening & that I was on the right path. When she told me she was Faith based I had no idea by reading her information online, I knew right then that is why God had her standing out to me. I needed to be in her office talking to her. I know I can ever take my past back but I now know what I should have been doing all along & will do everything in my power to follow his light. Please if anyone is reading this dont give up Faith if going through a rough time.
Thank you so much for sharing your powerful message of hope with us! I, too, know from my own life that forgiveness is the ultimate spiritual practice that sets our hearts and souls free! We’re deeply grateful you shared with us here to inspire and give others hope! Much love, Bev